Birthday Journal

(⚠️Trigger warning: too much self-love in this writing may cause you vomit or probably you may be wondering what the heck is wrong with this person)

Dearest, darling, my universe.

Let’s set the song as the background music of this writing since it keeps playing in my head while I start my plan to write. Happy birthday, my dearest self. No one else can love me as much as I love myself (if you’re wondering is there any person on this entire earth who has the easiest self love, now you can stop and find it clear and loud in me). It is because in my entire life, my parents, my family and my friends always make it seem easy to do it. I would be forever grateful for the people around me, the people who watch me grow and be what I am today. Life’s been countless blessings and everyday, I’m thriving to be the better version of me.

I call it my birthday journal, a piece of my thought that I wrote on my birthday, all the things that going around my head in minutes I explore the new number of my time. 

Starting it with what I do on my birthday. Today is my day off, it’s Sunday and I am writing this right after I finished my suhoor with my family. Of course my mom and my dad didn’t forget to greet me small and sweet birthday wishes during our suhoor. I do not have many plans to do today, for sure I will get back to sleep after this. Suddenly the thought of not having much productivity, which Gen Zs don’t like to show to people, pops up and it goes the same to me. It feels weird and not cool to tell a story in which I am not productive and have a busy life. After sleeping I plan to continue my novel reading (title: The War That Saved My Life), the book that helps me out of my reading slump. Other than that, maybe in the end of this day I will have myself prepared for the materials I am going to teach my students tomorrow. So much empty time I will have today, maybe I will just snuggle on my bed all day long, idk, sounds fun right? 

3 words to describe my past year

This past year flew so fast even though I barely remember what did I do in my previous birthday, to then instagram reminds me, it’s almost exactly the same: last year was my day off and I tried to finish my book (title: Ada Serigala di setiap Diri Perempuan) (fyi, I finally finished it after months). To summon my past year, I would like to tell you 3 words that I feel like it describes the year, that I feel like they mean the most to me. Empathy, Resistance, Compassion.

What I want to say to my future, one year older self

Don’t worry. Don’t worry too much. You’ll get the hang of it eventually, you’ll get the hang of it. You’ll keep finding and losing directions, well I guess you’ll never get used to it, but in the end of the day, you’ll just be okay. You’ll get through peak of your stress days maybe once in a month, or if you’re lucky, you’ll pass a month without it, if you’re not too lucky, you’ll get couples of it, but you know how it goes, you’ll just be okay. Life seems terrifying sometimes, but does it really harm you all this time? No? So stop thinking too much of it. You can be afraid but still do it anyway. You’ll figure it out just like what you always have.

I thought I wouldn’t cry this year. But after iftar, I SUDDENLY felt so weak, my body ached, and I started crying. What’s going on with me? Wallahi, only God knows. I think it becomes an annual event to just cry on your birthday, don’t tell me you guys don’t do it every year.

Okay, I guess that’s all what I can write, suddenly I feel so sick, it’s 8.03 p.m. now. I wanted to write more, I wanted to write down my happy moments this year, but guess my body didn’t want to cooperate well today. You just read a girl’s diary, how was it? Hope it’s just fine. See you in my next writing, or my next diary. Happy fasting don’t forget to always take care of your health, eat well and sleep well everyone!

With love,

Nestya.