I don't have to understand everything #1

    I read somewhere a piece of writing by Sylvia Plath saying, "What is my life for and what am I going to do with it? I don't know and I'm afraid. I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people and live all the lives I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones, and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited..."

    Something about that writing makes me reflect much on myself. Ah, I do want to read a lot of books, - either it is my own pick or from other people's recommendation, ah I want to understand a lot of topics, psychological, economic, I want to be able to join my friends' (those who are majoring economy) conversation, I think it would be cool if I could take part of those long and sound-so-insightful business and stock discussions. And there are also times when I surf the social media and find social and political issues, read comments under the post, how some people give their opinions -which I think really cool and intelligent-, ah I want to be that kind of person too, what books they read, which point did they start understanding the field? To later I see the terms I am unfamiliar of on the internet, data scientist, software engineer, what do they do exactly? They sound so cool, what they're talking and writing, I cannot understand even a little bit, yet it amazes me. What books brings them to enter that fascinating zone, I want to know. All those things exist that I think I need to learn about, to later I find myself doing nothing. Yup, just browse a little bit of topics that interest me, but never really start to learn. The question is, do I really need to know everything?

    I agree with one of the ideas live in my mind, "I got so much to learn, and it's so fun. There are many things I don't understand, and it's fun to learn new interesting things." in the same way I agree with the other part of mind, "I don't have to know and understand everything. The world is too complicated I don't even need to try, to understand it all."

    Then I try to connect what I have learned, write it down to a blog, "What is my life for and what I'm going to do with it? I don't know and I'm afraid". Life is indeed terrifying in my eyes, but the good thing is that I can always learn to overcome the difficulties, to learn much, as much as I can, whereas I still need to understand the fact that I cannot read all books I want, and I will never be capable in doing so because I am a human, "I am horribly limited" I feel that. Putting that idea in my mind will make me easier to deal with the bad feelings every time I fail comprehending a new thing that comes to my life, an unfamiliar thing that is far from what I learn every day, something that is not linear with my field, I might just say "Oh, that is a thing I don't think I need , I'd love to know more about it if I feel I will need it someday." It would be nice, I guess. Life offers me many different paths to reach different destinations. And I ought to choose, only one, or two, but I believe not all. I believe, apart from the fact that it would be difficult for us to live all lives we want, I think it is more likely that we do not need that, we do not need to live all lives we want, we just need to live one life, fully, understand our own purpose, and go toward it with our own ways, beliefs, and in our own pace. 

    I call it my first "Life Journal", I write down what's in my mind, try my best to order it as logical as possible, but in the end, it's just me and my thoughts, the random thoughts I pour into words, while I'm diving in this long journey. This first journal, yup - I don't need to understand everything.