Nes' Writings

Figuring things out, let me write it down to leave some evidences of me suffering haha. Finished my first month, I still often cry. The bitter feelings that, I have officially left my parents' house, that I have officially decided to build my own life. Will I do it right? Why does my chest often feel heavy? Will it all be worth to try? Leaving my parents, my friends and all the comfortable lives I had in my hometown. What exactly do I chase here? People say it's the matter of time, and I do agree with that. It may take months or even years just to realize! My first month living alone proves how time does really cure everything. My worries, my fears, my heavy feelings, slowly but surely get better over time. It's still heavy to wake up every morning, without seeing my mom, my dad or my siblings, but as the time goes by, the heaviness gets lighter little by little. Make plans and schedule even for the weekend does help me navigating this lonely life. Every weekend, the loneli...

In this half of 2025 I decided to make a big move by moving to a new city, alone. I thought it would be quite easy, as I have done it before. But my guess was wrong , it's still difficult as well as confusing as my first time doing it. There are things I regret (but in my defense, it's inevitable ) doing. 1. How I left my first work and its people. It was a sudden opportunity and I couldn't see myself rejecting this chance, I was afraid this kind of opportunity won't come twice, so I chose to take my shot . It felt heavy to leave, as this was my first formal job, but I was still thankful that a lot of my colleagues supported me by saying kind words like "you're still young, go chase other experiences." If one of them happen to read this writing, I just want you to know how glad I am to have experiences working with you. <3  2. I had to decide it fast, I didn't have time to say goodbye to anyone . Except for the people I worked close with, I didn...

⚠ (Might contain spoilers) Halo semuanya, sekarang hari minggu 2 Maret 2025, hari kedua puasa Ramadan, dan aku pengen nulis sesuatu di blog. Beberapa hari ini aku sedikit kurang sehat karena kena flu, tapi sekarang sudah sangat membaik sih, tapi tetap ya masa-masa recovery tuh masa yang absurd kalo kata aku, rasanya overwhelmed dengan banyak hal. Katanya sih, kalau merasa overwhelmed, get your pen and start to write! So I will get my laptop instead and start to write. A thousand splendid suns Buku pertama yang selesai aku baca  di tahun ini. Mulainya udah lama sejak tahun lalu, tapi entah kenapa aku skip-skip terus, dan mulai aku seriusin bulan Januari kemarin, akhirnya selesai deh. Aku udah tahu bahwa buku ini bakalan bagus banget melihat dari review orang-orang, dan yap, BAGUS BANGET. Rasanya campur aduk bacanya. Dari pedih, merasa gak adil, sedih, ada juga sedikit romance, tapi sedikit banget. Ceritanya di mulai dari kisah seorang anak bernama Maryam yang dicap 'anak haram'...

  I forgot when was the last time we talked to each other. I wonder what kind of conversation we had for the very last time. The only scene that still hangs around my mind was the time when I slept on a braided-plastic carpet in her living room. Her living room was not that big, but they took out the table and chairs so it felt bigger that I slept alone there, oh maybe not alone, with her. People were busy inside and outside the house, walking back and forth, while I was laying down, some of them sometimes passed around me. The neighbors, I believed, were still awake, even when the clock showed it was past eleven p.m. This evening, after I heard the sound of adzan Isya, people got even busier.   My dad looked sad, but he kept moving. He checked the sound system that played the Quran recital, people in the kitchen, people who sat in plastic chairs in front of the house. As for my mom, she took me home before coming back here again this evening. It is still here until no...

Hello everyone, it's already February but I believe it is not too late to say Happy New Year, I wish you happiness, abundance and everything you want to go smoothly this year. With this blog I want to talk about the first book I read and finished by February 2024, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. Now I continue this blog in August, five months after finishing it haha. This blog will not be a review or summary on how the story in the book goes, instead I would like to take some of my favorite parts/lines of the book and write down my thoughts about it. It is not me if I am not telling TMI about what happened until I finally chose to read this book. It was early January that I was still on my days off. I wanted to read something and I first chose the book "Sastra Feminis", I kinda like it but it made me kinda sad as a woman to read the oppression women have to go through so I decided to give it a break and chose other book. I have bought the alchemist quite long time ago, but...

(⚠️Trigger warning: too much self-love in this writing may cause you vomit or probably you may be wondering what the heck is wrong with this person) Dearest, darling, my universe. Let’s set the song as the background music of this writing since it keeps playing in my head while I start my plan to write. Happy birthday, my dearest self. No one else can love me as much as I love myself (if you’re wondering is there any person on this entire earth who has the easiest self love, now you can stop and find it clear and loud in me). It is because in my entire life, my parents, my family and my friends always make it seem easy to do it. I would be forever grateful for the people around me, the people who watch me grow and be what I am today. Life’s been countless blessings and everyday, I’m thriving to be the better version of me. I call it my birthday journal, a piece of my thought that I wrote on my birthday, all the things that going around my head in minutes I explore the new number of my ...